The last man standing

Dear God

2012-01-27T02:44:00.000-08:00

You will always have to examine what you believe if you are to keep on believing what you believe. This is one truth that I have come to realize and the realization of this truth has only made me more careful about what I choose to believe.
I want to share something personal with you today.
On the 7th of August, I wrote a letter to God.
I was depressed, lonely and disappointed with the way things were turning out in my life and talking to a fellow Christian at that point didn't work the wonders I was expecting. I could almost predict word for word what would be said and if I could do that what was the use of talking in the first place?
Praying wasn't helping much either; it seemed that God had taken a holiday and had his ear muffs on and a 'do not disturb’ sign on the portal that opened this world to his presence. So it was just me, myself, I and a bunch of gleeful demons having a field day in my mind.
My dear God letter was brutal but at the time I was writing it, I didn't think so.
I was reading it again today and I'm amazed at how far I have grown and how God has kept me in spite of my ignorance. I just wanted to share this with you and let you know that even though you might feel like I felt sometimes, giving up on God isn't an option...like someone said, your worst day in Christ is better than your best day without him...

Dear God…
I feel as though you have let me down in such a huge way that I can never come back to you again. It took me a while to trust you and even a longer time to believe that you weren’t trying to fuck me up.
I did all the things they said you wanted me to do. I didn’t sleep around for cash or for fun either; I told married men that they were walking sacred monuments and told them to go home and love their wives instead of bugging me; I went home after work and spent my time reading the bible or some other book that I felt would help me be a better Christian. I was bluntly honest to the men who came around, that I had a serious relationship and didn’t want to mess that up; I went to church on Wednesdays and on Sundays and even sang in the choir in spite of the fact that I was terrified of crowds.
I wrote down eight fifteen on the work register instead of eight when I came late because I thought honesty extended to the little things as well as the big things; I gave my tithes and offerings even when I knew I wouldn’t have much to live on by the time I took them out of my salary.
Yet in doing all these things, this year, I have felt so alone…like what I am doing is a waste of time, like no matter what I do I will never make it. I feel as though I am destined to go to hell; as though no matter how hard I try to walk the straight and narrow, I, like Judas Iscariot am destined to be the daughter of perdition so that some prophecy can come to pass in someone else’s life.
Why do you throw wrenches in the otherwise smooth progression of my life? It’s almost as though you derive some sick pleasure watching me suffer and watching my expectations die and brutal death. You say your plans for me are good but didn’t you also say your thoughts are above mine? Didn’t you say that you don’t think the way I do? So “good” for you can be really “bad” for me and that isn’t fair because I didn’t ask to be born did I? I didn’t ask you to put me on this godforsaken planet and put me through the bullshit I seem to be going through.
I’m beginning to think after Christ you took a break or made another earth somewhere else…a more perfect earth and left us here to rot!
Why do I feel like I have to yell for you to hear me? Like I have to draw blood before you come down and save me? There is a tornado of darkness raging in me and it is growing stronger no matter how hard I try to snuff it out with your word. Are you real? Do you exist?
I’m trying my best here…how about a little help God? Some indication that I’m not serving something that may have died a long time ago?
I’m not a good Christian so I’m going to stop trying to be one. I won’t go out with the married men or sleep around either….I won’t stop my tithes and offerings because I know it helps the church…I won’t cheat or lie on the office register either…But I’ll go clubbing and dance my worries away. I’ll kiss the next man I really like and not worry about hurting you because you don’t seem to think twice about giving me what will cause me so much pain. I’ll hang out with the guys after work and live a little. I’ll do what I want to do without waiting for you because if you really don’t exist then I would have wasted my entire life.
I won’t be so hard on the men who come around anymore because somehow, I don’t think love graces the top of your list of attributes needed for a good marriage.
I’ll dance to usher and Ciara and all the hip pop songs I used to love dancing to before I met you and had to stop…since I met you God, I don’t know if I have died or I have lived, but I don’t want to go on feeling that way so I’ve decided to live my own way and if you think I’m worth showing up for, I’ll be waiting…I hope you think I’m worth it though, because I really don’t want to do all these things. Please show up if you’re real God…Please…
Sincerely
Your single Christian daughter….

The valley of unanswered prayers

2011-07-12T05:12:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while since I wrote anything on my blog and in that long while I’ve made several discoveries and learned things that are constantly stretching me beyond my limit.
One thing I’m finding out is that getting to know God is hardly a task for the lily livered person. If you have been so knocked down by life and you feel running into the snug arms of God will put an end to all your troubles, you’re dead wrong and right at the same time too!
Yes, God will shield you from the storms that sent you running to him and after you have drawn strength and wisdom from him, he will send you back out into it to still it, simply because he knows you can do it.
That‘s another thing I’m learning about God, he’s multi faceted, in ways that I can’t even begin to imagine. There are so many sides and mysteries to him that each day is a foray into depths of discoveries that can turn the way you think around in an instant.
Right now, I’m learning that God isn’t always quick to jump when I snap my finger which is what most believers tend to do when they find themselves in hot water.
When I got born again at first, answers to my prayers seemed to be miraculously delivered to my door step at almost DHL speed. It was fun in those days praying for five or ten minutes and then seeing the answer almost immediately. It made me confident in praying and built my confidence in God which I what I think he wanted to do in me by the way.
Eventually however, the more I grew in my walk with God, the more I had to wait for certain answers. While some still came almost instantly, most of the answers I craved for seemed to have developed a cold and were keeping away with frustrating precision and a blatant disregard for my time.
I’m at that point where almost all my prayers now seem to go unheeded.
The first time I didn’t get answers to my prayers, the first thought that came to my mind was ‘what sin had I committed now?
It’s kind of an automatic response I carried around with me from my worldly days. I had a guilt complex then and blamed myself for nearly everything that went wrong in my life and the lives of people I was close to. Now I know better.
While sin does keep us from getting our prayers answered, it isn’t the only hindrance. Besides, as a growing Christian, I have learned to make repentance as constant a habit as breathing. The blood of Jesus is there for a reason and that is to cleanse us from all unrighteousness and make sure that our link to God is stronger than ever.
These days, making sure that I have genuinely repented of all my sins gives me confidence to stand before God in faith for that prayer whose answer seems to be a long time coming.
Another reason why our prayers can go unanswered is our attitude. Praying for a new job when we come in for work at ten in the morning isn’t exactly going to make God wheel in a new one that fast. Sometimes, there are certain negative things we learn about ourselves in the place of unanswered prayer that with careful self examination under the light of God’s word and through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we can turn to strengths.
As a budding Christian, I used to throw tantrums when I didn’t get my prayers answered. I would deliberately turn my back on God and go watch some movie I knew he didn’t approve of or keep malice with him (imagine that!). I’m sure God is constantly amused by my little dramatic flairs of pouting when I put them up, but did that get me the answers? You can bet it didn’t!

So after several failed pouting sessions, I realized I can’t get God to jump the way some parents jump when their kids start sulking or throwing tantrums. God isn’t some insecure parent who needs to buy my love or affection with sweet treats or that new toy he can’t afford. God, I’ve discovered, cares more about my character than my comfort. The ultimate goal of his relationship with us is to make us more and more like him; godly, holy, loving, compassionate, forgiving….
God isn’t impressed when I stamp my foot in the ground and huff and puff. In fact, in those moments I can almost hear him say, ‘when you’re done fooling around, you know where I’ll be.’
Inevitably I always have to come back and apologize, then take his hand to continue the journey on the straight and narrow.
Getting answers to our prayers is all good but what good does it do when it doesn’t change who we are?
What good is that answered prayer when it doesn’t give God the glory?
What good are the answered prayers when it can’t make people around you know God as their father too?
I think Christians have gotten o the point where they see God as a gambling machine: you put in quarter and if you play real hard, you may hit a jackpot.
There are no chances with God only plans and the bible says that his plans and his purpose are forever.
Right now, I’m working for a company that hasn’t paid salaries for quite a while, but God has been faithful. I haven’t starved to death and I still manage to look pretty good!
I’m praying for a new job for over a year and I’m backing it with some action.
The rent on my home is way overdue and the agent has given me a deadline that I can’t physically meet but I’ve been trusting God and I’m still trusting him to take care of it.
I’d like to quit my job and I’ve been praying they I’ll get paid outstanding salaries so I can get by while I throw myself into the grind.
I want to get married to the man of my dreams but my father won’t have any of it so I’ve been praying about that for some time as well.
I’ve got a table filled with petitions and prayers and no answer so far has made it back to me.
I’m sharing this with you all because I’ve observed that the times are really trying now especially for most believers. This is a period of refining and separation; holding on to God’s word even when it looks like it’s not worth a lick of salt is what will help you sail through to the other side.
The word of God says that we are garrisoned by God’s power through our faith in him (1st Peter 1:5)
Without our faith in God we have nothing, absolutely nothing. We can trust in man for a while but I’m sure we all have bitter recounts of how our faith in the arm of flesh has let us down when we need it the most. No matter how hard it may seem to trust God right now because of what you’re going through, you have to understand that he is the only way.
As you walk through this dark trying time, get through it by asking God what he wants you to learn while you wait for his plan to come to the light.
Personally I know that this string of unanswered prayers is God’s way of teaching me patience while he works things out according to his will and for his glory. I am sure that I will receive amazing answers when they finally come and you will be the first I share it with. You can rest assured as the Holy Spirit is assuring me, that all things work together for good unto those who love God and are called according to his purpose.

When life happens first

2010-09-28T08:22:00.000-07:00

Has it ever occurred to you that you let life happen before you let God happen? I woke up one morning with that realization nagging at the back of mind and I suddenly discovered the reason why I had been going through a seemingly boomerang Christian walk for some time. There were highs and lows that I thought I should have gone beyond.

I still felt like a child learning how to walk and it was beyond frustrating because I knew I should have been running by now, my feet pounding through the hallways and hands raised in childish delight. But that wasn’t the case; I found myself flat down on my face too many times to count and at a point I threw up my hands and said to myself ‘well maybe I’m not cut out to be a Christian!
It didn’t help that some of my close friends seemed to have no problems with their walk with God. They seemed to be having a ball. There I was, immersed in fears and doubts and worries…there I was, wondering if God heard me when I prayed…there I was wondering if I was one of the chosen ones…there I was…letting life happen to me first…

The Christian that lets life happen first is the one who wakes up in the morning and jumps to his feet without as much as a ‘’good morning’’ directed in God’s way. The Christian who lets life happen first is the one who is more concerned about getting to work on time then he is about asking God to direct the course of his day.

The Christian who lets life happen first is the one who remembers to pray only when problems are staring him in the face and all the educational knowledge and technical know-how he has doesn’t seem to cut it. The Christian who lets life happen first is the one who barely has the time to study the word and who has to dust off a fine film of dust from his bible every Sunday.

Sounds familiar? That’s probably because I just described you and me! I became a Christian and still did things the way I used to and expected awesome results! Who was it that said when you do the same things over and over again and expect a different result, that’s insanity? I forget, but the point is the moment you become a Christian, things don’t automatically line up!

Problems don’t instantly faint and die because your spirit man just got renewed! No way! You have a whole lifestyle of self centeredness to deal with and only getting into the word of God can help you overcome that.

That’s why Paul was quick to say ‘be not conformed to the image of the world but be transformed through the renewal of your mind’ (Romans 12:2)
With God, the game is different and so are the rules. As a growing Christian, God should happen first in your life and in order for that to happen; you have to pay attention to the word of God and prayer.

If you don’t have a buildup of God’s word in you, when trials and other problems come (and trust me, they will!) you won’t be able to handle it one bit. You will be pulled under as easily as a child who doesn’t know how to swim. But when the word is strong in you, you can withstand the tides of life that roar at you. Stay blessed!

Opportunity costs of life

2010-04-22T03:42:00.000-07:00

Often times as humans beings, we underestimate the depth and breadth of the human wonder called the mind. My mind travelled down a dark maze last week and strayed from snaking path to snaking path until it nearly drove me mad. I ran from one end of the maze to the other and screamed until my voice got hoarse; but no one heard me; no one heard me because all the while that I was screaming in that maze, there was a huge smile plastered on my face. I laughed at the same jokes, cracked the same jokes and did the same things I did each day I got to work in the morning. I suddenly realized that I had become a creature of habit and I didn’t like it one bit.

This dark time in my life made me realize that there are countless of people lost in their own personal mazes, trapped in their own nightmare; their emotions twisted and their feeling frozen in a sheet of ice; but no one hears them thudding beneath the surface because they have mastered the art the enemy has gotten us to master in a very unconscious way. The art of projecting a facade

The world around us is becoming one mass of swarming humanity moving in the direction of desperate self satisfaction and lofty goals of attainment and wealth. Some people may call it a progressive society; I call it a self centred one

In the pursuit of our dreams, we have taken our gaze off the intricacies of the process involved in the true attainment of these goals and have placed too much emphasis on the end process itself.

I got into a nearly violent argument with a good friend of mine when he told me he had been responsible for getting some married men hooked up to some of his clique of girlfriends who were simply looking for a good time and a wad of cash to spend.

These men are married I pointed out to him. Why oblige them? His response? The married men simply want to have a good time themselves and are ready to spend the money to get it. My friend says that there are some things that you have to do if you want to get where you are going. Apparently, these married wealthy men are prominent men in positions of power and it pays to be able to maintain more than a nodding relationship with them.

If you have to lose yourself in the pursuit of your dreams, then you are going about it the wrong way. There are many of us losing a piece of ourselves to our so called goals and dreams. We don’t get to see our kids take their first step, we don’t get to know what they like or dislike, and we don’t get to make out time to make our marriages thrive. We don’t get the time to check up on old pals, we don’t get the time to give our time and our resources to hurting and needy people around us...we don’t have the time for God.

The sad thing is that most of us are barely happy doing the things we do but we do them because we feel that we need them to define who we are and what we are supposed to be in life; but the fact of the matter is that we can only know these things when we slow down long enough for God to tell us. He created us so he is the one who knows who we are and what we were created to do.

‘Call upon me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you do not know of (Jeremiah 33:3)

But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all other things will be added on to you; fear not little flock, for it is your father’s pleasure to give you the kingdom. (Luke 12:31&32)

Like all things in life, we have a purpose and that can only be found in seeking out God and his ways. God is faithful; the more you seek him, the more you walk in the things that he has prepared for you.

The greatest form of deception is self deception. You can deceive everyone around you but the minute you deceive yourself, you lose a great piece of yourself. If you are feeling stirrings of dissatisfaction with the false nature of your life and you desire more than the rigorous routine of living, take a step by spending more time with God. He made you, he knows your path and that simply means he will show you how to live a life full of meaning and purpose.

Whose side are you on?

2010-02-16T04:29:00.000-08:00

I don’t think it’s easy to serve God. Some people make it sound like once you start walking with him, everything falls into place. They forget to mention that for things in your life to fall into place, some things have gotta give and others have to be moved around a bit. So it’s not surprising that once you have turned your life over to God, all hell seems to break loose...literally.

You’re no longer comfortable with the things you used to do before. Your thought pattern is challenged in most painful ways, and then, you’re expected to act in a way that seems to tear the very flesh away from your bones. For me, it’s been one hell hole after another but I can confidently tell you that while I feel pain so intense that I have to hit my head on the wall to stop from committing murder, I won’t have it any other way. At the end of the day when all is said and done, I would rather be on God’s side than to be against him.

Have you taken a good look at the enemy’s curriculum vitae lately? It’s amazing!! He has managed to increase crimes like rape and murder to numbers that practically shoot through the roof not to mention the fact that he has successfully brainwashed generation after generation of people into believing that they are masters of their own destiny. Don’t get me wrong, they are masters of their own destiny...co masters that is but don’t think for one minute that the devil is going to let you know that!

There are quite a number of things that he has done but my point is, when you look at God’s curriculum vitae in comparison, being on his side is the wiser choice. So, why aren’t people on his side more you would ask?

I would like to think it’s because they are terrified of the notion of handing over their lives to an unseen entity. For many of them, it connotes a powerlessness that they are not willing to concede to and I can totally relate to that. I used to be scared that the instant I gave my life over to him, he’d have me married off to some man I didn’t want because it would be his will or he would make me do something I didn’t want to do...I still have those fears from time to time but the more I get to know him, the more I know that I can trust his choices for my life. And besides, do we honestly think that we know what we want more than the one who created us? That’s like saying a Toyota car suddenly saying ‘I don’t think I was made for driving; I was made for flying’!

What I’m trying to say in essence is that serving God comes with a lot of pain and sacrifices. I’ve made a few sacrifices and gone through pain and I know I haven’t seen the last of both. Jesus sure didn’t promise it would be easy, after all he did say if you want to follow him, take up your cross. But I rest assured on the knowledge that as long as I am treading the path God has out me on, I will have the peace and strength I need to carry on. The world’s a battleground folks and that is the truth...Question is, whose side are you on?

Pulled back from the edge

2010-01-13T08:02:00.000-08:00

I’d been smoking pot and having wild sex for the past ten years without an iota of remorse and it was all fine by me until I ran smack into T-boy. Now, he wasn’t what you would call good looking but he had that appeal that made you want to get close enough to find out what was on his mind all the time. He had that gentleness that made you want to prove that he was nothing but a fraud. He had that patience that made you want to test it until the monster you were so sure was inside him came out raging and looking for blood.

He made me want to be good when all I had ever been was bad and that infuriated me. I pushed him away from me with a violence that was nearly as breathtaking as it was brutal. But he kept on coming right back. I had my male friends give him a beating that put him in a hospital. I had my female friends throw themselves over him in a shameless display of wanton lust...I screamed at him in public and slapped him more times than I care to remember...but he didn’t budge. He kept coming back, brown eyes filled with a love and understanding that made me want to run out of my own skin. ‘I believe in you and I can’t give up on you because God hasn’t given up on you’, he would murmur, even after I once emptied the plate of okra over his head. I believe in you.

When I couldn’t take it anymore I finally asked the one question that had been nagging me all along. The one question I had refused to ask out of sheer stubbornness. Why? Why do you believe in me so much when I hardly believe in myself?

My father didn’t believe in me, why should you? My mother didn’t believe in me, why should you? Why would a total stranger believe in me when my family thought I was born to be a slut?

And with the question came the memories I had buried. The pain I had shelved. The rejection I had hidden under the layer of artfully applied make up and a well toned body. Like a broken dam, I stood with everything gushing out of me. And like a sea he took it all in.

That’s how I got saved. That’s how I discovered who I really was and what I was made for; T-boy didn’t wave a huge bible in my face the way some people did to me sometimes. He didn’t tell me I would burn in hell if I didn’t repent like the choir mistress once told me when I wore my favourite tight miniskirt to church. He didn’t spit at me when I walked past and he didn’t snicker at me when I put my hand up in church to ask a question. I wanted what he had simply because he lived it.

Too many people spend their time judging people and making them feel worse than they already feel; all that only drives them further away. When you have Christ, you love more and judge less. The world has a lot of hatred and judgement already and they are looking for something different. Love is different and it makes you stand out.

That’s why Jesus said you are the light of the word. In a world where the hate has cast clouds so dark and thick, love is the only sun that can pierce through the darkness.

What are you doing today? Loving? Or condemning?

Ode to a 'forever friend'

2009-12-25T02:19:00.000-08:00

I wanted to stand over your body and command you back to life. I wanted to play Jesus, but my faith was rifled with strife. All I could do was cry...when you lose someone you thought would live forever, a part of you dies and lives again in a way that makes you see life through new eyes...You live on in my heart Hombre...REST IN PEACE.

ETCHED...

The memory of you sizzles

As pictures of you are burned deep

Into the matter of my mind.

Clarity is the price I pay

For not noticing you were there.

Suddenly I can see you laugh

In that careless way of yours;

You throw back your head and roar

Lean forward and clutch your belly with graceful fingers;

Suddenly, I can see you saunter

Into a room and hold your own in the banter

Wit matching wit,

Wit surpassing wit,

Gay with youth

Flushed with the pride of holding your own

Against the rising tide.

I kind of assumed you would live forever

Or at least until my last grandchild

Tore out the strands of your graying hair.

You were going to be his godfather

But I didn’t even know it till I heard

That you had left this world’s fleshy fray.

Now my heart won’t stop aching

Like a rotting tooth it throbs every minute;

Now my eyes won’t stop tearing up,

Like a broken fountain it gushes;

Now my mind won’t stop playing

Those precious frames of moments

Captured and frozen deep inside.

Time capsule released by the hands of death

I see you watch me and it makes me cry.

Could I have stopped the hands of time?

Could I have leapt through space?

And held your hand as you floated away?

I didn’t get the chance to say

You were one of a kind,

I didn’t get the chance to say

You were one of a kind…

IN MEMORY OF JOSHUA OKPAPI...

It's about me

2009-12-02T06:08:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about forgiveness for some time now. More, since I am becoming aware of whom I am in Christ. I used to think I had a forgiving heart when I wasn’t born again. Someone would do something to hurt me and I would just shrug it off and think ‘he didn’t mean it or ‘it’s okay, it doesn’t really matter anyway’.

Now that I look back, I realize that I wasn’t forgiving them at all, I was looking for a way to cope with the pain and I inevitably locked all the hurt inside. It was no wonder when I would think the most horrid things each time these people crossed my mind. I would think about mutilation and ways to wreck emotional pain and you can bet I didn’t feel a twinge of remorse about what I was thinking. While some thoughts made me recoil, I didn’t really make even a half hearted attempt to stop them.

Lately, God has been bringing to my mind all the people I thought I had forgiven. Now I realize that I truly need to forgive and not make a semblance of forgiveness. That’s because when each person comes to my mind, I remember what they did that hurt me the most so I know they haven’t been forgiven from the depth of my heart. I think the mark of true forgiveness is when you can think of those who have hurt you and remember what they did without the pain and thoughts of vengeance that usually follow. I learned something new today from the website www.myjourneywithgod.com

Forgiveness is about me and not the person who hurt me. When I forgive someone, I’m letting myself be shaped by the perceptions of God and not the perceptions of man. When I forgive those who hurt me, I free myself to live a victorious life in Christ. When I forgive, I heal...not those who hurt me...I am the one who heals.

One thing I am learning about God is that he deals with each party involved. God is a just God, but he doesn’t make you feel better at the expense of the other person. You can be rest assured that the person you are struggling to forgive isn’t going to escape the all revealing light of God's prodding. We will all stand in judgement before God but the question is will you be able to stand without the black cloud of unforgiveness hanging over you? Remember, before God, you alone are responsible for your actions; you can’t blame them on your mother or your father or your friends. That’s why you need to forgive, so that when you stand before the king you can get the well done good and faithful servant commendation. That’s what I want...so, I forgive.

I DON'T...

2009-11-30T03:54:00.000-08:00

I was only eight years old when I told my mother I didn’t want to get married. Her reaction is quite hard to forget considering the fact that I still have a scar to remind me. She calmly went outside, plucked a whip from the tree in front of our home and gave me the swiping of my life. (Just kidding)

What she really did was burst into tears.

Needless to say, I never said that to her again. Fast forward nineteen years and a five year relationship later and my views about marriage are still pretty much the same. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to marry Joe...He is like the sweetest man I have ever known and besides, he’s the only man who even made me reconsider my vows to stay single for life; If I ever do get married, it would be to him.

That doesn’t mean that if this five year relationship doesn’t end up in marriage I would go on a frantic man hunt to still the wagging tongues of fellow colleagues or to smoothen out the disapproving glances my relatives throw at me during family gatherings.

Lots of my friends are getting married and while many of them seem to know exactly what they are doing, a good number of them seem not to...so, I’ve been asking myself the question would I feel incomplete or unfulfilled if I NEVER got married?

I mean, think about it. Women start work after school and the next thing they start thinking about is getting married. Guy has a steady job and a nice pad and one day looks around after a meal of bread and garri and goes ’I think it’s time I got married. While marriage is a stage of life, is it THE stage of life? If it was I think the divorce rates would have been a tad lower than the fifty percent divorce rate we have now. Don’t you?

I was browsing through the romance section of nairaland.com when I came across the topic, AFRAID OF BEING THIRTY AND UNMARRIED.The first thing I thought to myself was ’you have got to be kidding me! Sure we live in a society that makes you feel being unmarried at a certain age is akin to having AIDS but come on!

Really what’s wrong with being thirty and unmarried if God hasn’t led you to the man that compliments you? What do you do in the meantime? Pine away? Scare men off with your looks of desperation? Lose your morals? With so many people rushing into marriage and then diving out of it, you would kind of expect that people take their time to walk down the aisle matter how long that takes!

Even before I became aware that Jesus had paid the price for me and I was his, I had always been passionate about the issue of marriage because I had seen firsthand the pain and despair that two people unwilling to walk with God in their marriage could unleash on themselves and their kids.

I’m single and in all honesty, I’m having the time of my life! More so since I found God. Before you think of getting married, you need to ask yourself if you are truly single enough to get married.

Being single enough simply means that you have attained a level in your life where you know you will be an asset and not a liability to the one you will marry. It’s not about having more money or having all the houses in the world. It’s not about being tired of being lonely.

It’s about being secure in yourself and in your identity in God and not looking for someone to ‘’complete you” because the truth of the matter is that no one can. It’s selfish of you to think that the man or the woman you marry will make you feel whole when she or he is less than whole. Being truly single is being able to take care of yourself and things around you. The first time I paid rent on my little apartment, you could have hurled a tornado at me and I would have still been as tall as a tree! I was so proud of me and thankful that God had given me the opportunity to experience that phase in my life.

Don’t get me wrong. I would have loved to have a man pick up that tab but he wasn’t on the scene so to speak. What was a girl supposed to do? Sleep around for the money? Bag a sugar daddy because girls are so helpless and need a big strong man? Get my drift?

If you’re getting married make sure it’s for the right reasons.

I don’t want to get married because my biological clock seems to be running on a new brand of batteries called ‘speed’.

I don’t want to get married because my childhood friend just got hitched.

I don’t want to get married because I feel alone and need someone to warm my collapsible couch.

I don’t want to get married because I’m tired of paying the bills on my own.

I don’t want to get married because I’m afraid of what people are going to say about me when I’m thirty and still unmarried...

I simply want to get married because God says it’s time to...after all, he is the one who makes all things beautiful in their time and that includes marriage.

The limit of authority?

2009-11-23T02:44:00.000-08:00

Hello all! Im featuring someone on my blog today who has over time come to be a very dear person to me.Her life challenges me to stay focused on God and she is the one person i can go to when i have questions about my faith i need to be answered.ladies and gents,Temitope Reffel...

This morning I found myself thinking, ‘could this possibly be all that the Father wants for us as Christians?’
That we wake up in the morning, have our quiet time, say our prayers, fellowship with him, sing worship songs, enjoy His presence and be baptized in His love yet never make meaningful impact in the world; never make manifest his great power that is in our lives.

Are we just supposed to contribute our little quota in terms of giving to the needy, praying for friends and family in need of our prayers, fasting and asking that we know more of him and be more like Him and that He does his work of transformation in us?

Really, is that all there is to our spirituality? What about all the power the God’s word tells us has been given to us? Aren’t we supposed to be healing the sick, casting out devil and raising the dead? I mean if Christianity is just about making money, being prosperous and being generous, then we’re not much different from the philanthropists we have in the world. What makes us different from the world? Shouldn’t it be the Spirit of Power that we carry on the inside? The Holy Spirit through whom these signs are performed? Is it not by these signs the world shall know that we are not ordinary and that our God truly is a God of power?

I usually don’t go musing without good reason. I saw a mad man on my way to work this morning. Trust me; in this part of the country where I live, they seem to be in abundance (I don’t know why). A thought suddenly occurred to me; what if this mad man made an attempt to attack me? (I’ve heard that they tend to do that during the Harmmattan season;it’s the equivalent of the autumn season in Europe by the way), what would I do?

Would I take to my heels and run or would I be bold enough to wait as he comes charging at me and cast the devil out of him? That’s what Jesus would do. That is what he did with the mad men he met during his lifetime. He delivered them from demonic possession. Jesus assured us that we would do greater things than he did if we just be believe.(mark 16:17)

So what gives? Why would a child of God, a representative of Christ think first of running away from a mad man instead of casting the devil out of Him? Could the reason be that we do not dwell enough on this aspect of our authority as Christians?

This should be food for thought for any Christ follower seeking to have more than a peripheral relationship with God. Remain blessed!

Extreme Opposites

2009-11-11T16:12:00.000-08:00

In the third season of the series heroes, a new villain is added to the plot and he has a very interesting super power so to speak. He is ordinary until he smells fear. The scent of fear makes him develop super human strength and turns him into a deadly killing machine. I bet if he had a motto, it would run something like this; No fear, no power...more fear...more power!

Fear most definitely empowers but you have to ask yourself, who is it empowering? You? If it were you, don’t you think you would feel a whole lot better than you do with all the excess baggage of fears you carry around with you?

What are you most afraid of? Think about it...we all have fears. It may be that tiny nagging fear that you may not have enough money to eat dinner the next day or it could the all consuming fear of tomorrow. Whatever it is, fear is something that we all have to deal with...not live with.

The minute you start believing your fears, it becomes a reality. Why? Because you empower it to exist by believing in it. In the book of Job 3:25, Job laments, ‘For the thing I fear comes upon me and what I dread befalls me’

I used to be afraid that nothing good in my life would last. No good things last...that was my motto and believe me, they didn’t. I’d have a perfectly splendid day and something horrible would happen and send me into a spiral of depression. I used to be afraid that I would never be good enough for anyone and acted cold and distant towards the people I really cared about because I was afraid if they came too close they would see that horrible person I was. Consequently, my coolness rebuffed them and did make them see that I wasn’t what they needed.

It’s a simple equation really. When we fear something, we act out of that fear and get a reaction. Built up over time, it becomes a walking reality.

I still have some fears but I have learned that when faith is stronger, fear becomes a distant memory. Faith is the extreme opposite of fear. Where faith is, fear is rendered powerless. As a believer we are not exempted from fears but we are empowered to handle them through faith. My role model always says ‘when fear comes knocking on your door, send faith to answer it’. You can be rest assured that you won’t find it on your doorstep when you do that often enough!

So, you may be thinking, ‘how do I build that faith? Let me ask you a question. If you could vouch for someone, who would it be? Your mom? Your best friend? Whoever it is, you and I both know that you can only vouch for that person because you know them well. You don’t go vouching for someone you met only last night, do you?

The same principle applies. When you spend time with the one who has the answers of tomorrow in his hands, you get to know him well enough to stare the fear of tomorrow in the face and say, ‘I may not know tomorrow but I know the one who holds all tomorrows’.

When you familiarize yourself enough with the giving nature of God, you can stare the fear of lack dead in the eyes and say, ‘The lord is my shepherd, I shall not lack! When God becomes more than an eye in the sky for you because of the time you spend with him through his word, you can stand at the door and say to that fear; ‘all things are working together for my good!

The more you know God, the less fears you have. So the next time you have fears that cut off your air circulation and increase your heart rate to an all time high, remember; faith empowers God to move on your case and fear empowers the enemy to crush you...who are you empowering?

The love test....

2009-11-10T01:33:00.000-08:00

‘I love you’...and there you have it ladies and gentlemen, the three most magical words in the world. Now don’t tell me you don’t think they are magical. Even the toughest of sceptics will feel the need to clear his throat after watching Richard Gere ride up in the white limousine to sweep Julia Roberts off her feet with his sincere declaration of love. Even the most hardened of hearts would be melted by the flame of nostalgia when it sees love in action...simply put, love was meant to break walls and soften hard hearts.

It’s quite easy to say those words however but do you actually mean them? Or are you just saying them as a means to an end? Granted, some women say it to get the bucks and some men say it to get the booty but the fact that many people say it and don’t mean it doesn’t nullify its power of love when it is sincere.

As Christians, the greatest challenge we face involves loving other people as much as we love ourselves. But Jesus also knew that it would be the greatest liberating factor of our lives...that’s why he summed up all the Ten Commandments as ‘love the lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbour as you love yourself’. Where there is love, negative emotions like hatred, envy, jealousy, anger and the rest have no room to operate.

When a man loves a woman and vice versa, it’s not in the words so much as it’s in the actions. You can’t love with your lips and not love with your heart; that won’t work. Your heart and your mouth have to be in agreement, like everything else in our walk with God.

I have been asking God for wisdom in all my relationships but especially the one I have been in the past five years. The last thing I or any sane person for that matter would want to do is to get married to the wrong person. In his mercy, God led me to a cell meeting that usually takes place in the area I live and the topic that was discussed was the love test.

How often do we test what we feel for the one we love? How often do we stop to ask ourselves whether our motives are pure or not? How often do we ask ourselves where we are going with the relationships we are in? I’m asking all those who aren’t married yet because the fact about the matter is that the one you choose to tie the knot with can either break you or make you. In world where divorce is becoming something of a word belt title, it is important that we examine our relationships and the motives that drive them.

The love test is a series of questions that make you examine your relationship, your motives and your partner in general. It answered some questions for men and I’m hoping it makes you take a closer look at the nature of your love for your partner. You can do it together if you like and compare answers together; believe me it will give you a lot to talk about!

For the ladies

 What is the character you find most admirable in your partner?

 If the one thing you admired in your partner was taken away, would you still feel the same about him?

 If your partner had no money would you still be with him?

 On a scale of one to ten, how honest are you with your partner?

 Would you willingly submit to your partner at all times?

 If your partner tells you he has cheated on you once in the course of your relationship and is truly repentant about it, would you forgive him and take him back?

 On a scale of one to ten, how honest are you with your partner?

 If the situation called for it, would you be the bread winner of the home without nagging or making your man feel like less of a man?

 How often do you encourage your partner on scale of one to ten?

 How often do you blame him on a scale of one to ten?

For the gents

 Name one physical feature you love the most about your woman

 If that physical feature was no longer there, would the love you feel for her be affected in any way?

 Why do you love her?

 Would you be willing to play the second fiddle in the relationship if the need for doing so arose?

 If she cheated on you and was truly repentant, would you forgive her and take her back?

 State one action that you know will show your woman you love her above yourself

 Have you performed this act before

 On a scale of one to ten, how honest are you with your woman?

 On a scale of one to ten, how often do you encourage her?

 On a scale of one to ten, how often do you blame her for things that go wrong in the relationship?

Explaining the answer to each question will actually help you examine your motives in greater detail. If you are honest enough with your answers and you’re still together after the exercise, then good for you! If not...then you know where you stand and you can move on, trusting God to give you nothing short of the best. Good luck!

The last man standing

2009-11-09T15:03:00.000-08:00

Every woman dreams of prince charming. He's supposed to be the tall, dark, handsome man who swoops down in a show of breathtaking courage and rescues you from your tragic situation. The villain in my case was my dad. Six foot plus and sterner than most dads I knew in the area. He had screaming fits over the smallest things and his tongue would have done Hitler proud. It had the potential to erode anyone's self esteem in three seconds flat!! I couldn’t get out of the house fast enough and I thought getting married to prince charming would be the best way to escape.

There I was, young and full of naive dreams of a man whisking me away from my father and giving me the life I had always wanted. A life with quiet strolls through the beaches of the Bahamas and of massages and gentle foot rubbing....it’s funny, but now when I think about all that prince charming was going to do for me had we gotten together, I realize, I never once envisioned what I would do for him in return; Which goes to show how self centred even the prince charming dream is despite the seemingly ‘good’ ideals embedded in it!

Most women who are married will tell you without batting an eyelid, that the prince charming dream is just that- a dream. The smell of soiled nappies and screaming infants plus a husband who doesn’t pick up after himself can take its toll on the dream and leave a bitter taste in your mouth; The truth about the matter is that NO MAN can rescue you from whatever predicament you may be facing. He may help you see a way out, may even run with you towards the solution, but giving man the responsibility of saving you totally is an unfair thing to do because the poor guy can’t even save himself!!!

I mean, how do you expect him to hit upon the solution to all you problems when you have hardly unearthed them yourself? Man can’t save anyone...only God can...that's why he is the last prince charming standing. All the other prince charming have been tried and proved to have flaws that will make the dreams of the lady wither away without much ado.

The Bible says that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life (john14:6). In him is all the life that you will ever want as a woman. The disappointment many women feel after marriage stems from the emptiness inside you even when your man is prince charming in the flesh. You were created to have a relationship with the one from whom all prince charmings come from.

Jesus Christ is unflawed and therefore can love you more than you ever imagined. That’s why when all is said and done he will still be the last prince charming standing...